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Smith Rock 4/25-26/2015

Okay, let's face it. I had a high gravity weekend. And it sucks.

Warming up on what has turned into quite the project, Fish & Chips 10c, probably didn't help kick the weekend off correctly. By the time Andy sent me up for a go "to at least hit the chains," I was literally crying as I climbed. With each reach to unclip, fresh sobs rolled out of me. I couldn't tell you what was going on inside my mind in those moments but I was beside myself with frustration, fear, and an overwhelming sense of defeat that I was once again failing to make progress on a project. By the time I finally convinced Andy that I was truly done trying, I was exhausted. I came down, watched Andy clean up my route, and wallowed in my misery. Then, I watched him send Vision 12b on his first true red point burn. It was incredible. We sat in the sun for a little while before hiking over asterisk to "get on some easy stuff." I quit 2 bolts up a 5.7. Ouch.

After spending time looking out over the Crooked River, and some deep reflection, I realized that my long work week coupled with several tense meetings had completely drained me- all the life, all the energy I typically use convincing myself that I can climb "difficult for me" routes, was sucked out of me and I had been left a shell of a human. Realizing this, we decided that my day of climbing was done and that I would try again on Sunday. We spent the night camping out the back of the truck (Andy bought a truck and omg OMG OMG is it wonderful!) with some friends- new and old- and rested up for another day of climbing. Sunday dawned beautifully and I was determined to have a better day. And I did- for a bit.

I put laps in on Walking While Intoxicated 10b on TR and worked through beta and got clipping stances sorted out for the most part. But I was too chicken to actually give it a RP burn so we walked up the gully where Andy put in two gos on Tsunami 12c and sent! It was super rad. By the time we hiked out I had lapsed back into my sedated dulled state and didn't feel psyched to climb anything. We hit Earth Boys 10b and I thought it would be an okay route to attempt an onsight on. I was wrong. I got super terrified at the run out between 2 and 3 (could be a deck if the belayer isn't as awesome as Andy), over gripped, panicked, and took. After a few mental pushes to go for bolt 4, I decided to bail. And my weekend ended on that note.

All the gravity.

None of the gumption.

And sadness and defeat in a beautiful, inspiring place with my favorite person.

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